Superman arrested – Illegal Immigrant, claims Bush administration
The Edge has this hilarious post !
President Bush today ordered the Department of Homeland Security to immediately pusue and arrest Superman, claiming that not only did the Man of Steel enter this country illegally decades ago but has in his possession a forged green card in direct violation of the current Administration’s policy on immigration.
Homeland Security czar Michael Chertoff commented in an official statement that, “Superman used the alias ‘Clark Kent’ to obtain fake a birth certificate, Social Security Number, driver’s license and various other forms of identification to create a false persona, one he used to open bank accounts and even obtain a job as a newspaper reporter, undoubtedly taking away the position from a legitimate American citizen.”
Superman refused to respond to reporters’ request for a face-to-face interview but through an intermediary issued a statement. “This is nothing more than a veiled attempt at besmirching my reputation. While it is clear that I came to this country in a non-traditional manner – there were no fences erected at my point of entry, the Border Patrol did not have agents stationed overhead, and a Star Wars Defense Initiative was just not technologically feasible – I came here seeking asylum. At the time, there were no Federal offices close to my adoptive parents in Iowa.”
“Contrary to popular belief, it is wholly untrue that my employer, the Daily Planet illegally used the TN visa as a vehicle for hiring me. It is further untrue – as claimed by other Administration sources – that there are countless Americans who have the ability to fly, create hurricanes with the breath, lift freight trains with their pinky, or see through thick walls.”
“While it is true that I continued to remain in this country with going through the normal channels of immigration, I became a productive member of society, paid my taxes, rescued cats from trees, helped little old ladies cross busy streets, and fought crime.”
“Further, I find it offensive that the Administration believes that my father Jor-El was a founding member of Al-Qaida and that my given name Kal-El is merely a front to hide my terrorist intents.”
“My attorneys are studying the situation and I expect them to quickly file charges against my accuser including but not limited to filing a series of complaints with the EEOC.”
When apprised of Superman’s statement, President Bush responded by saying, “Our get-tough-on-immigration-policy has been vital in the war on terror. In the case of Mr. Superman, his super powers have the potential to be hurtful to many. His refusal to assist the Department of Defense in developing weapons similar to those he himself possesses is a clear indication of his true intent. And to claim that there are no Americans who possess similar capabilities is an affront against all great Americans.”